Wot ze hell is zat?

INTRO. This new project of mine is illustrating a series of limericks written by a friend of mine, Andrey Dubrovski. The poems are in russian, so I will include a small makeshift translation of what's it about. To make it different from "Book of nonsense" I just finished, I will try to make them look different. Not sure how, but I know it's necessary, as the poetry is quite different. Stay tuned for more updates. This day's poem is about Simón Bolívar.

Боливар с берегов Рио-Бланки Из грибов собирал лишь поганки. Увидав мухомор, Он вскричал: «Что за вздор!» Экспрессивный сеньор с Рио-Бланки.

А. Дубровский, 2011

"Bolívar from the banks of Rio Blanco always gathered only poison mushrooms. When he saw fly agaric, he exclaimed, "What a rubbish!", that expressive señor of Rio Blanco.

Dine already!

Молодому мсье Бонапарту За обедом подсунули карту. И Европу тогда Съел он – словно еда Старый Свет был для Буонапарта.

А. Дубровский, 2011

Young monsieur Bonaparte was given a map of Europe during his dinner. And Europe he ate, as if it was his food! (makeshift translation of A. Dubrovski's poem).

Get this sorted!

Архимеду в порту Сиракуз Указали на стаи медуз, Обещав, если он Их не выгонит вон, Самого изгнать из Сиракуз.

А. Дубровский, 2011

Archimedes was shown flocks of jellyfishes in Syracuse's port, and was told to take them away, otherwise they will take him away instead (makeshift translation of A. Dubrovski's poem).

IF - cultivate

Using Spotify

For an article about Spotify spreading its service to Russia, Billboard magazine.

Go away, bear!

There was a Young Lady of Clare, Who was sadly pursued by a bear; When she found she was tired, She abruptly expired, That unfortunate Lady of Clare.

E.Lear, 1846

Until tomorrow, old man!

There was an Old Man, on whose nose, Most birds of the air could repose; But they all flew away, At the closing of day, Which relieved that Old Man and his nose.

E.Lear, 1846

Come get me!

There was an Old Man of Aosta, Who possessed a large Cow, but he lost her; But they said, "Don't you see, She has rushed up a tree? You invidious Old Man of Aosta!"

E.Lear, 1846

Dumb, but calm

There was a Young Lady of Parma, Whose conduct grew calmer and calmer; When they said, "Are you dumb?" She merely said, "Hum!" That provoking Young Lady of Parma.

E.Lear, 1846

Blue helicopter

Here comes the magician on the blue helicopter, with an eskimo:

Mice is nice!

There was an Old Person of Ewell, Who chiefly subsisted on gruel; But to make it more nice, He inserted some mice, Which refreshed that Old Person of Ewell.

E.Lear, 1846

IF - stir

He couldn't swim

There was an Old Person of Ems, Who casually fell in the Thames; And when he was found, They said he was drowned, That unlucky Old Person of Ems.

E.Lear, 1846

You say hi, I say low

There was an old Person of Burton, Whose answers were rather uncertain; When they said, "How d'ye do?" He replied, "Who are you?" That distressing old person of Burton.

E.Lear, 1846

The casement case

There was an Old Man at a casement, Who held up his hands in amazement; When they said, "Sir, you'll fall!" He replied, "Not at all!" That incipient Old Man at a casement.

E.Lear, 1846

Slug is good for your guts

There was an Old Person of Sparta, Who had twenty-five sons and one daughter; He fed them on snails, And weighed them in scales, That wonderful person of Sparta.

E.Lear, 1846

Whatever you call'em

There was an Old Lady of Prague, Whose language was horribly vague; When they said, "Are these caps?" She answered, "Perhaps!" That oracular Lady of Prague.

E.Lear, 1846

Light the lighthouse!

There was an Old Man of the Cape, Who possessed a large Barbary Ape; Till the Ape one dark night, Set the house on a light, Which burned that Old Man of the Cape.

E.Lear, 1846

My turbo aunt

There was a Young Girl of Majorca, Whose aunt was a very fast walker; She walked seventy miles, And leaped fifteen stiles, Which astonished that Girl of Majorca.

E.Lear, 1846

IF - warning